يوم .. اخر ..

يبدأ الصوت الخافت الذي تهزه الرياح داخلنا .. بالصعود تدريجيا ..
يبدأ بهمس .. واعتراض .. ورفض لاشياء اعتدنا قبولها بحكم .. العادة .. الحاجة .. او الجبن ..
يتسلل من داخلنا كالضباب .. بهمهمات رافضة .. بأنين يهرب من ثغرات ظهرت بعد زمن طويل من النخر ! ..
قد يقتل صوت الانين بعض الاحيان .. فتصمت الى ان يظهر بطريقة اخرى ..
او يستمر بالصعود تدريجيا ..
الى ان يتحول الى دموع .. متضاربة الاوقات .. والمناسبات ..
كلها تبدأ من جذر واحد ..
وتتفرع الى اسباب كثيرة ..
قد تمسح الدموع بين الفينة والفينة ..
بيد صديق .. بيد غريب ..
او تجف .. كالعادة .. الانسانية !
يبقى الانين محتبسا .. متحولا من شكل الى اخر ..
ويبقى الحزن غريبا .. لا يفارقنا ..
ويتحول المزيج الى صراخ محتبس كبركان ثائر ..
يقتل محاولات السعادة ..
يقتل الامل ..
ويلتزم بحرق كل الذكريات عن بكرة ابيها ..
الى ان يخرج دفعة واحدة ..
فاما ينقذك .
او يحتلك .. الى الابد ..

A point of view ..

Hope can be found in different shapes .. inspiration can be caught in the middle of no where .. and even though we all see the same moon .. but still ..
Each one of us can see it by their own point of view ..
Usually , we live in this angle that we direct to a moment we're witnessing ...
We capture every second with a hundred frames ..
filter these hundred frames ....
and then , they become a single memory .. that we may or may not forget through time ..
What we actually need .. is to widen this angle .. steer the wheel a bit.. and stare to the beautiful details that we might lose through the recycling process of our mysterious brains ..

"She lit up with you"

Sometimes .. a small quote .. an add line .. and in my case here .. a lovely sweet movie could bring back some romance back to this hazy phase we live with our emotions ( all circumstances included) .. it made me believe that everybody does have a match somewhere ( in place .. or in time) ..
The one doesn't necessarily fit completely to our lives .. but this "one" is the only person that you want to be a better person around ..
I know this might sound hopelessly romantic .. heart breaking .. or just a lovely story that makes memories a new heaven .. but in "ONE DAY" i felt all the thing that every human being long for - and I'm not going to say male of female, even men can feel Occasionally - that that ray of light did warm my frozen heart in a nice way , it did remind me that love is the power .. love waits till we are ready .. then bursts into our lives like a hurricane .. it changes us .. makes us the person we longed to be forever and never could ..
Being best friends with a guy like Dexter , is the easy way .. but that is what should always keep in mind .. easy & safe do keep us going . But the love that we can't endure , contain or control , is the one that makes us happy . This love , can feed our memories for many lifetimes ..
Love is gentle , is sweet. . It's also mean , painful. We still need it even though it consumes us and fills us .. it takes and gives .. it brings out the beauty and the beast .. how can a man or a woman who are truly in love break through all the bad things and see who you really are . . a normal human being full with flaws , and yet miraculous ... this is what makes it this perfect .. and a reason to live for .
Somewhere between being best friends .. and incredibly in love .. this story was born .. and to dare and say it out loud .. i want it to be mine ..
"She lit up with him ".. made him a good person .. and he made her .. very very very happy .. he was who she desired secretly and out loud .. and he saw her in every woman until she was his own ..
Thank you .. ONE DAY ..

An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge by Ambrose Bierce

I consider this book one of my favorites now. Reading it made me realize that as human beings , we need a a proper ending of our lives, and how our minds play a role in creating that end as a final solution ..
Peyton Farquhar - the main character- was eager to become a soldier, live like one, and even die like one . He was manipulated and then hanged. In the seconds that separated him from his trivial insignificant death, his brain created a new scene, a heroic death, and gave him the closure he needed .. He became a superman .. dogged bullets , went to a dark, lonely and tiring path to reach his safe place with his family ..
Mr. Bierce 's creativity went beyond the impossible, to describe the last thoughts of condemned man, was and still pure genius .
I quote :
"Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is to be received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most familiar with him"
"in a moment the visible world seemed to wheel slowly round, himself the pivotal point, and he saw the bridge, the fort, the soldiers upon the bridge, the captain,the sergeant, the two privates, his executioners. They were in silhouette against the blue sky."

Well .. this is how 2012 started for me ..

What can you do when your whole world is falling apart...
Let's start with basics...
You country is falling apart because two stupid sides can't find a way to get together and fix what has been broken for years. The outcome: people are dying, starving, and signs of a civil war are being witnessed.
Your work is falling apart : the country is trying to make her way out of a huge recession that is being applied to by the other countries , job opportunities are also affected by the events that you feel that whatever you do (or not do in such cases) won't help anyone here .. You already do hate what you do because you weren't a big fan of what you have been studying for 6 years in collage and other 2 years in practice... It doesn't inspire you the way it should. .and you're always looking for alternative but the bigger problem is you need that paycheck at the end of the month... And now this is gone as well...!
Your family is falling apart... And I’m not here neglecting the fact that it has been like that for almost your whole life... But now, after the illnesses, financial, and domestic problems hitting like a thunderstorm ... Family life doesn't sound a healthy environment you need to stick around it, because it will be “the only source of energy “ that actually sucks the energy out, until you stop feeling .. And just become numb... Inside out...
Your insecurity, personal deep issues keep you from moving forward... You enjoy hanging out with the bathroom floor, your room floor... or any floor because they all seem the only solid thing that you can hang on to, it’s the only shoulder that you might be offered... and that your fear of the world will always make you wishing and sobbing for the life that you lived in your head... The fantasies become your real prison that you can never run away from... or live without... Plus, this insecurity thing is the main reason for not falling or being able to be in a long term relationship... Or any type of relationship for no matter what... (Let’s not even bring the word LOVE to the table)...
After all, you don’t have a choice of NOT being here... you long for inspiration, love, confidence and motivations. Ambition & fear are your curses... and you’re totally burned out...

Welcome 2012...

"Say it like you eat it "

Eat - Pray - Love first chapter .. Italy ..
My review .. for Italy .. for EAT ..

"Dear Elizabeth,
Sorry for not calling you Mrs.Gilbert, because reading you every thought in this books kinda makes this more than an new acquaintance .
I just finished the first part .. "Say it like you eat it " and here's what i liked the most ( page order) :
1- You pray in an amazing way, i tried that , and it worked .. thanks .
2- The way you described your relationship with God , and how you believe in him sums all the ideas of various religious backgrounds.
3- Creating our own image of our beloved ones is a feminine way of filling the holes we see and sometimes don't like .
4- Junkie in Love .. ! 100% not happy .. 100% true !
5- This Ketut Guy is Awesome !
6-I'll pray for anything i want from now on,my sanity for example , because as you said " the health of the planet is affected by the health of every individual on it ".
7- Dantean Italian .. that was surprising .
8- "Welcome the human experience"
9- I definitely need a codega.
10- I'm going to Rome this year ..
I have marked a lot of sentences along this part .. and i can't exactly tell which was my best .. but to tell the truth , sailing with you in this voyage felt good, i found my self here and there .. as every person might say ( i think women 'll more likely to find them selves in the book" , i googled all the palaces ..
In the end of this chapter .. i can say that the scares of love need a divine interference tobe healed in a proper way to be ready for the next phase .. we need to feel better in order to be able to give a part of ourselves again .. in order to give .. we need to start giving ourselves in the first place ..
Thank you Lizzy .."