Few messy thoughts ..

   When a feeling consumes you so hard that you can barely breathe...  when your heart is convinced that it doesn’t have a real place on this earth... Where could you possibly go?

  When everything you fight for doesn’t fight to win you back... When friendship is more like a thin thread when it comes to life crises... what can you do?

I know it sounds real stupid. .and irrational, but why not to confess that some of our irrational actions are meant to be... Why drinking coffee does seem more rational than wearing non matching colors?? Why do we have to rationalize everything we do, or feel to link it with what so called reality...? And actually use the “welcome to the real word” metaphors? What is wrong with fantasies? We all lived there for quite some time...  it felt safer... We were happy back then!

  Does labeling do more harm that we think it does? Being called: happy, rational, successful... Does that mean anything when you feel like you’re being eaten up inside, when you’re not allowed to scream your lungs out asking for help or compassion...?? Scared to hear the echo of your disparate thoughts?

  Wanting something that bad... Isn’t rational... The wind is blowing right to the opposite direction, and you’re trying so hard to sail through this storm. All of a sudden, your ship cracks, shatters to tell the truth, and that small raft that is called “hope” carries your tired soul, your executed body to the center of this blizzard. The salt in the water blinds your eyes, which it hurt whenever you’re going to get a glimpse of a distant shore... There’s just no place to go...

  One day... After believing that you can do it, you choose a direction, and start swimming, with the help of that old tired raft... You smile believing that this raft... Your only friend... Will never abandon you... You start to see shades of a land... you smile... all you think about that now... I can do whatever I want... Simply... I can actually walk... Jump of joy... Or just enjoy a dry sunbathe...

  All these dreams are touchable now... Everything has a smell... And the sun’s rays warms you like it’s the first time you see it...

 Dreams... Never come true... And rafts don’t stick around forever...

 The raft is gone... Somewhere, in the middle of foreseeing the future... I forgot to take care with the only thing that was there for me...

 Now, it’s gone... And I have no one to lean on...

 Now, I’m going under... And I’m not sure if I want to be saved...